Local news

By Etaoin Shrdlu, in 'Non-Latin Talk', Sep 14, 2016.

  1. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    Because people living in the back of beyond have newspapers too.

    It doesn't have to be from your neck of the woods. Just something local, and in some way special. (Florida is usually good for this sort of thing. A few years back a local council banned Satan from the district.)

    Today let us contemplate the good burghers of Stokeinteignhead and their latest sex scandal: salacious underwear (belonging to a grandmother!) is being hung on a washing line in full view of the innocent eyes of schoolchildren. If you tolerate this, etc.

    http://www.exeterexpressandecho.co....imary-school/story-29711575-detail/story.html
  2. Terry S. flamen

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Hibernia
    Somebody needs to find a hobby.

    I can understand that there are some things that children shouldn't know about and therefore shouldn't see, but knickers are not among them.

    "What's that frilly thing mum?"
    "A pair of knickers, son."
    "Oh, right. What's for dinner when we get home, mum?"


    "What's that blow up doll in that guy's garden for, dad."
    "Ehhh... so his dog doesn't get lonely in the house alone when he's out at work."
    "Is it? That's not what Uncle Frank said when I asked him!"
    ...
  3. Iohannes Aurum Technicus Auxiliarius

    • Technicus Auxiliarius
    One Russian man was imprisoned for playing Pokémon Go in a church in Yekaterinburg.

    In Toronto, an actor made a video about playing Pokémon Go and in it, he was walking on the subway tracks in a local subway station; he was fined by the transit agency there, but his fans paid the fines on his behalf.
  4. Gamblingbear Active Member

    Location:
    Austria
    Faulty glue on envelopes is causing Austria to postpone a presidential runoff election. The election was supposed to be held at the beginning of October--a rerunning of a runoff election from May, which the courts declared invalid due to irregularities.

    The faulty glue was discovered after a woman wanted to post a mail-in ballot but saw that her signed and sealed envelope had opened itself before she went to the post office. She called the Interior Ministry, who told her something along the lines of 'you've lost your vote and you're only recourse is to contest the election afterwards.' Well her local paper ran the story, more cases emerged, and it's now blown up into "Gluegate". New election laws are being passed to use different envelopes, federal forensic investigators are looking into why the glue is failing, the word sabotage has been mentioned, and politicians are embarrassed.

    The one consolation for the Austrians is that the envelope glue was made in Germany. :rolleyes:
    Callaina, Pacifica and Hawkwood like this.
  5. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
  6. Pacifica grammaticissima

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Belgium
    In what circumstances did you think about that? Had you just misread one of Hawkwood's "mooseballs"?
  7. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    Mothballs are, conventionally, made of naphthalene or dichlorobenzene, and are designed to kill moths. Standard crap joke: 'Have you ever smelt mothballs?' 'Yes.' 'How do you get their little legs open?'
  8. Pacifica grammaticissima

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Belgium
    Oh, I didn't think about that...
  9. Pacifica grammaticissima

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Belgium
  10. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    How much time would it take to paint something like that? I can't see how nobody noticed it being done on several different occasions. Also, need for access, etc.
  11. Pacifica grammaticissima

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Belgium
    On the news they said it was done in one night.
  12. Pacifica grammaticissima

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Belgium
    The penis, at any rate.
  13. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    It still must have taken some time, surely, and it's right in front of a tram stop, so on a main road. Even at night, someone would have seen and photographed whoever was doing it, I'd have thought, because that's what people do nowadays.

    Edit: more information at http://deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws.english/Brussels/1.2775478, along with some choice quotes. Why am I doing this?
    Last edited by Etaoin Shrdlu, Sep 23, 2016
  14. Iáson Cívis Illústris

    • Civis Illustris
    This is the most impressive local headline I've seen, but we have also been warned by the same newspaper of a ninja, Batman and escaped big cats in the surrounding countryside.
    10156053_552689291514034_5048266745658918278_n.jpg
    Hawkwood and Gamblingbear like this.
  15. Iohannes Aurum Technicus Auxiliarius

    • Technicus Auxiliarius
    Apparently, they were somehow imported from Manhattan.
    Gamblingbear and Iáson like this.
  16. Gamblingbear Active Member

    Location:
    Austria
  17. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
  18. Pacifica grammaticissima

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    Belgium
    OMG. Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.....
  19. Aurifex Aedilis

    • Aedilis
    Location:
    England
    I have my doubts whether the North Devon Journal's version of events is ever to be trusted if they're tasteless enough, when running successive articles about the discovery of severed feet in a local park, to stoop to punning on both occasions...

    "Police have been left stumped by the discovery of a second severed human foot within 100 yards of each other over five months – because they are both left feet."

    "The gruesome case of three mystery 'human' feet, all found within a few hundred yards of each other, has continued to stump police inspectors - who now believe there could be more."

    http://www.northdevonjournal.co.uk/...9635780-detail/story.html#bSoPKPWLxWJXsxLJ.99

    http://www.northdevonjournal.co.uk/...9477901-detail/story.html#1dHB3qb35sJCER6p.99
  20. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    I don't think that's deliberate, or if it is, they're all at it. If you google that story and 'stumped', you'll find it used in different reports by different authors, either punningly or unfortunately, depending on whether it was intentional or not.

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