Wordplay with languages

By simplissimus, in 'Other Languages', Mar 13, 2010.

  1. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    I never really got the hang of the spelling reform, and generally ignored it, which isn't hard if you're living in the UK. I was told a few years ago by a German teacher of English that nobody knew how to spell anything and people did what they wanted. Allowing for the exaggeration of elderly grumpiness, do you think that's the case?

    Also, are there any outlets that simply refuse to follow it? I had a vague idea at the time that the FAZ did this, but I might have been wrong, and they don't seem to take that line now.
    Quasus likes this.
  2. Adrian Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    I do remember this russian-german joke
    At the parking lot , a russian approached a german sitting in a mercedes benz. He asked the german "Ваша машина? (Vascha maschina?)" [=is it your car?]*
    to which the german replied "Nein, das ist ein Auto"

    A scotsman walks into the reception lobby of a large hotel in Canada. Above the desk is a moose head.
    Having never seen one before he asks the receptionist what it is.
    The receptions replies that it is a moose.
    He replies with "If thaat be a moose, I din'na want to see nay cat"


    Vascha maschina sound similar to german Waschmaschine (Wascher). To a german the question sounded like "(Is it ) a Wascher?" hence the answer "Nein, das ist ein Auto" which translates to "No, it is a car"
    Last edited by Adrian, Feb 3, 2019
    Callaina likes this.
  3. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    There is a joke so well-known it's been debunked by Snopes as almost certainly a myth, which I was sure I'd posted here, but Search tells me otherwise.

    At a dinner party, the British ambassador asked Charles de Gaulle' wife what she was most looking forward to now that her husband was stepping down from public life.

    'A penis,' she answered.

    An embarrassed hush ensued. Then de Gaulle leaned over to his wife and said, 'In English, I think it's pronounced 'happiness'.
  4. Adrian Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    Similar ( "a penis" / happiness) wordplay joke was used in the movie Super troopers 2

    Last edited by Adrian, Feb 4, 2019
  5. Adrian Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    A kebab restaurant near Alexanderplatz...

    [IMG]
    Last edited by Adrian, Feb 4, 2019
  6. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    I'm not sure if these belong here, but I'm not going to start a new thread for them. Taken from elsewhere, obviously.

    A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

    A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

    An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

    Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

    A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

    Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

    A question mark walks into a bar?

    A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

    Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

    A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

    A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

    Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

    A synonym strolls into a tavern.

    At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

    A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

    Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

    A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

    An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

    The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

    A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

    The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

    A dyslexic walks into a bra.

    A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

    An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

    A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

    A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

    A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
    Dantius likes this.
  7. Dantius Homo Sapiens

    • Civis Illustris
    Location:
    in orbe lacteo
    humorous
  8. Etaoin Shrdlu Civis Illustris

    • Civis Illustris
    I wonder if anyone can find a way to translate this one, into anything other than German:

    Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem Heilpraktiker und einem Homeopathen?

    Der Heilpraktiker macht es wegen dem Geld, der Homeopath wegen des Geldes.

    What is the difference between a homeopath [native German word] and a homeopath [Greek loanword]?

    The NGW does it for the money [dative with preposition wegen common nowadays]; the GL does it for the money [genitive with wegen, a bit old-fashioned or more pretentious, depending on taste].

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