There is no real Latin equivalent of "what the fuck" (at any rate none that has come down to us).
In some contexts, I suppose quidnam could more or less do as a translation: it's a sort of strengthened "what?", the -nam being an enclitic that does about the same intensifying job as "on earth" or so does in English, though it doesn't literally mean "on earth". However, it totally lacks the vulgarity of "the fuck".
But actually, I'm not sure what exactly you're after. In your versions, it doesn't seem like any attempt has been made to translate "the fuck", so perhaps you simply want to translate "what" and leave the rest in English?