A writing of mine

Abyssus

New Member
This is a writing of mine I'd really like transcribed into Latin, its very meaningful to me and will be carved and painted onto various mediums as I am inspired to, so any and all help with it is deeply appreciated.

I'd like the translation to be as close as possible, but am absolutely open to artistic play on the words to make them more beautiful in Latin and/or made to better reflect the nature and sentiment of the writing.

-
With her death, a sun had risen.

In my solitary reign, I long for its warmth.

The setting sun seducing me unto the fleeing horizon’s calm.

Cold, I curl up to the pleasant dream of death; natures warm quilt.

The cross she bore, now my crown of thorns.

When my bones are given to damp earth, I will meet her at dawn, when that sun rises again.
 

Pacifica

grammaticissima
Staff member
Illa defuncta sol quidam ortus erat,
cuius ego in regno meo solitario calorem desidero,
dum sol occidens me ad tranquillitatem fugientis horizontos allicit.
Frigens me contraho ad suave mortis somnium, calidum naturae stragulum.
Quam illa crucem portavit, ea iam est mea corona spinea.
Cum ossa mea erunt terrae umidae data, conveniam illam diluculo, cum sol ille rursus orietur.


I have assumed that "The setting sun seducing me unto the fleeing horizon’s calm" belongs with what precedes, as in "I long for its warmth while the setting sun seduces me..." but it could also go with the next line, as in "While the setting sun seduces me... cold, I curl up...". Please let me know which it is.
 

Abyssus

New Member
That is actually something I didn't anticipate any attention being brought to, as in my private way, that section was intended to be both aimed at what precedes it and what follows it without the readers knowledge- the three passages to me in essence reflecting the cyclical nature of things that underscore our time alive here and this being a part of me until my death now. It's broken into three lines for that reason.

So technically it is both, but it is read in a linear manner. I apologize if that complicates things or does not help, but its also the reason why I am so open to artistic play with it! I don't understand how that sort of thing might translate over to Latin.

Very much appreciate your translation thus far!
 

Pacifica

grammaticissima
Staff member
I guess you can make it ambiguous by using the same unconventional punctuation as in the original (i.e. starting that line with a capital and ending it with a period even though it isn't a complete sentence in itself):

Illa defuncta sol quidam ortus erat,
cuius ego in regno meo solitario calorem desidero.
Dum sol occidens me ad tranquillitatem fugientis horizontos allicit.
Frigens me contraho ad suave mortis somnium, calidum naturae stragulum.
Quam illa crucem portavit, ea iam est mea corona spinea.
Cum ossa mea erunt terrae umidae data, conveniam illam diluculo, cum sol ille rursus orietur.
 

Abyssus

New Member
Interesting, but I suppose that it's logical granted the circumstances and unorthodox punctuation.

I feel like I'm a good long ways off from being able to confidently make such a call, so really do very much appreciate your time and help with the translation and how it helps me along in understanding the rules and logic behind how things are structured.
 

Pacifica

grammaticissima
Staff member
Alternatively, you could make that line a self-contained sentence, simply by removing the dum. I don't know if this would be acceptable to you but just in case:

Sol occidens me ad tranquillitatem fugientis horizontos allicit. = "The setting sun seduces me unto the fleeing horizon’s calm."
 
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