"Be Our Guest" in Latin


Civis Illustris

After weeks of off-and-on work, I think I finally have a decent draft of a possible Latin rendition of "Be Our Guest," from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Right from the start, the titular line was quite tricky to translate, but I eventually arrived at something that I at least hope conveys "with the greatest hospitality," which I think is the overall sentiment of the song.

As usual, I let the melody determine stress rather than insisting on strict classical rhythm, and as far as rhyming goes, I was satisfied as long as the pertinent syllables contained matching vowels, though I did try to also match final consonants whenever I could. Even so, this is probably one of the hardest songs I've ever translated/adapted, mostly because it had a lot of rather short lines and heavy rhyme scheme.

I welcome constructive critique from anyone who's interested in this sort of semi-creative use of Latin. In any case, thanks for reading!

Invītāris apud nōs.
Omnia tibi parābimus servitiō probissimō.

Prō tē calidae omnēs.
Piscis ōva
Tē plācābunt.
Illud lancēs

Canunt hae,
Saltan thae,
Nam sunt Francogallicae,
Hīc est optima semper epulātiō!
Hic est index cibōrum.
Fientur quaqua hōrum
Vīs ergō

Cum quaesō,
Ac crūstum cum erneō;
Spectāculum coquīnārium
Prōferēmus cum studiō.

Sōla timidaqu'es,
Sed parāta cēna est.
Nēmō umquam lāmentātur
Dum ā vāsīs oblectātur.

Et iocīs
Et technīs
Tē dēlectābimus sīc.
Ēlegantia nostra haud est in dubiō.
Ad cēnam grātuītē
Vocāta es. Gaudē!
Est in cibō
Cuiquam adhūc vexātō
Apud nōs

Servō quī nōn servit
Vīta molestior semper fit.
Nēminem servīre fit vānum nōbīs.
Eī diēs quibus ūtilēs erāmus
Subitō sunt iam praeteritī.

Tam diū languēbāmus,
Tam diū etiam carēbāmus
Nostram artem occāsiōn'exercendī.
Hī diēs tābescēbant in castellō.
Obēsī, ignāvī,
Cum intrāstī!

Hospēs est!
Hospēs est!
Sīc tandem nōbīs spēs est!
Nunc est vīnum.
Iam quisque mappa pressa est.
Sī theam
Mox volēs,
Tī hanc offeram grātē.
Dum sē poliunt hī calicēs,
Tum effervescam calidē.

Calescam, bullābō.
Maculane'st in scyphō?
Tergē hunc ut hospēs plaudeat ergō!
Facienda multa sunt!
Vīs quantum saccharum?
Tib'id dabō

Tractāberis apud nōs.
In trīclīniō adhūc vacuō, movēmur adventū tuō.

Sumus tī

Nam candēlīs splendentibus,
Grātuītē tē iuvābimus.

Dum clāmēs,
"Sum iam satur!"
Tunc agēmus tē in somnum canendō.
Quamquam hāc nocte quiescēs,
Nonne nunc comedēs?
Sīc apud nōs!


Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Put our service to the test.
Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie, and we'll provide the rest.

Soup du jour,
Hot hors d'oeuvres.
Why we only live to serve!
Try the gray stuff.
It's delicious!
Don't believe me?
Ask the dishes.

They can sing,
They can dance,
After all, Miss, this is France,
And the dinner here is never second best!
Go on unfold your menu,
Take a glance and then you'll
Be our guest,
Oui, our guest.
Be our guest!

Beef ragout,
Cheese soufflé,
Pie and pudding enflambé;
We'll prepare and serve with flare
A culinary cabaret!

You're alone and you're scared,
But the banquet's all prepared.
No one's gloomy or complaining
While the flatware's entertaining.

We tell jokes.
I do tricks
With my fellow candlesticks.
And it's all in perfect taste. That you can bet.
Go on and lift your glass.
You've won your own free pass
To be our guest.
If you're stressed,
It's fine dining we suggest.
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Be our guest.

Life is so unnerving
For a servant who's not serving.
It's not whom without a soul to wait upon.
Ah, those good old days when we were useful,
Suddenly those good old days are gone.

Too long we've been rusting,
Needing so much more than dusting,
Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills.
Most days we just lay around the castle,
Flabby, fat, and lazy.
You walked in, and

It's a guest!
It's a guest!
Sakes alive! Well, I'll be blessed!
Wine's been poured,
And thank the Lord,
I've had the napkins freshly pressed.
With dessert, you'll want tea,
And my dear, that's fine with me.
While the cups do their soft-shoeing,
I'll be bubbling, I'll be brewing.

I'll get warm, piping hot.
Heaven's sakes! Is that a spot!
Clean it up. We want the company impressed!
We've got a lot to do.
Is that one lump or two
For you our guest?
(Be our guest)
She's our guest!
She's our guest!

Be our guest,
Be our guest.
Our command is your request.
It's been years since we've had anybody here, and we're obsessed.
With your meal,
With your ease.
Yes, indeed,
We aim to please.

While the candlelights are glowing,
Let us help you. We'll keep going.

Course by course,
One by one,
'Til you shout,
"Enough! I'm done!"
Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest.
Tonight you'll prop your feet up,
But for now, let's eat up.
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Please be our guest!