Grant me the power of condensing

I am wondering if this is an accurate translation or if I need to make corrections?


Da mihi potestatem densandi vim impetus secandi mei deorsum ad punctum.

Grant me the power of condensing the force of my next attack down to a pinpoint.
 

Araneus

Umbraticus Lector
I would use the present participle sequens (literally "following") for "next".

Deorsum does not make sense in this context. I would use usque (all the way), or simply drop it.

Besides that, I can't see any issues. Denso means "I condense" or "I compress", so that should work. Punctum is a "point", physical or abstract, so that probably renders the idea of "pinpoint", if I understand that word correctly.
 

Callaina

Feles Curiosissima
I would suggest maybe in punctum (into a point) (and, yes, drop the deorsum.)
 

Callaina

Feles Curiosissima
Though proximi might be better for "next".
 

Callaina

Feles Curiosissima
The other thing that doesn't even make sense to me in the request is: how can one condense the force of something to a pinpoint? Isn't it the area of the attack, not the force, that's getting condensed?

Maybe better to just drop the vim entirely and:

Da mihi potestatem densandi impetus mei proximi in punctum.
 

Callaina

Feles Curiosissima
Though, really, comprimo might be better for "condense".

Da mihi potestatem comprimendi impetus mei proximi in punctum.
 

Araneus

Umbraticus Lector
Thanks for your input Callaina :) I think the incantation is paraphrased from a source book, hence it makes full sense in that fictional context. OP can explain that in depth though.

I thought sequens would be the most fitting word if the attack is to follow directly after the incantation at hand.

I agree that comprimo is better than denso.
 

Araneus

Umbraticus Lector
By the way, it's Da mihi potestatem comprimendi impetum meum proximum in punctum if you drop vim. "Grant me the power of compressing my next attack to a (pin)point".
 

Callaina

Feles Curiosissima
I thought sequens would be the most fitting word if the attack is to follow directly after the incantation at hand.
It feels a bit odd to me; the attack isn't literally following anything...

By the way, it's Da mihi potestatem comprimendi impetum meum proximum in punctum if you drop vim. "Grant me the power of compressing my next attack to a (pin)point".
Why not use gerundive construction?
 

Araneus

Umbraticus Lector
Why not use gerundive construction?
Oh, I didn't actually think of a gerundive construction as a possibility, but I guess that could work as well. I thought of comprimendi as a genitive gerund and impetum meum proximum as direct object to that.

It feels a bit odd to me; the attack isn't literally following anything...
Following this incantation was my thought. But proximus works just as well if not better, as it rather gives the sense of the "firstcoming attack".
 
If I wanted to keep vim as the incantation is manipulating the kinetic energy released when the spell caster's fist or foot makes contact with his opponent is compressed from the size of the fist/foot making contact to a much smaller area and there for increasing the damage. Would I word it as follows?
Da mihi potestatem comprimendi vim impetus mei proximi in punctum.

Grant me the power of compressing the force of my next attack to a pinpoint.
 
Thanks

I have a few incantations that I am unsure how to word in English before translating them into Latin, I was wondering if any of you would be willing to help me out with that if I give your the spell description given within the sourcebook?
 

Callaina

Feles Curiosissima
Thanks

I have a few incantations that I am unsure how to word in English before translating them into Latin, I was wondering if any of you would be willing to help me out with that if I give your the spell description given within the sourcebook?
It's probably easiest if you at least try to put them in English first -- it gives us something to work with.

Just out of curiosity, what are these for? Are you designing a Latin RPG?
 
I am doing it basically because I think it would be cool to have Latin incantations to go along with spells described in Mage: The Awakening
 
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