In the distance a storm will gather...

[paulmoore]

Hello everyone I have returned yet again. I am at the point in my book now where a ritual is taking place and as always, I would like the incantation to be in Latin. Let me break the scene down for you...

The bad guy just turned a lizard into a dragon via another spell, and now the dragon is just kinda chilling there. The bad guy(Tyranus) calls over one of his underlings and makes him stand near the dragon. Tyranus will stretch his arms out to the sides and recite...(and I do apologize for the length of it.)

In the distance a storm will gather,
Raging over a tumultuous sea
A veil of night then cloaks the sky,
And full moon lends its energy,
It amplifies the might within,
Adds its power to my words,
Forcing every ear to open,
Making every silence heard,
Release your life and see it done,
Bone to bone,
Flesh to flesh,
Blood to blood,
And the lives of two shall meld as one.

At that point in time the full moon above darkens and the body of the underling will transform into a shimmering light, transferring all of his life force, magical power, memories, everything, and that light penetrates into the body of the dragon, binding it to the creature's blood. After that has transpired, the robes and cloak that are left over simply fall down to the ground empty, and the dragon tears off into the sky. As always, I am flexible with wording and sentence structuring so don't be afraid to translate outside the box! Thanks again everyone!

 

[paulmoore]

Not trying to intentionally bump this thread, but I was just wondering if I made the incantation too long or used words that are too unique of difficult to translate? I had posted this up on another forum, and the only responses that I had gotten was it was too complex and long to translate into Latin. One person did attempt to translate the first line though and they came up with this...

In the distance a storm will gather= Procul tempestas formabitur ut valeatis

Is there anything that I can do to help with the ease of the translation like shorten the phrasing or choose different words? Thanks

 

[cinefactus]

In the distance a storm will gather= Procul tempestas formabitur ut valeatis

A storm will be fashioned at a distance so that you will prevail?

procul tempestas orietur maybe

 

[paulmoore]

Cinefactus, thank you for clarifying the differences in that phrase. I had originally posted my incantation on both this thread and another forum site (WordReference.com), because I didn't get any translation attempts right away. Usually when I post something up here I get a translation pretty quick cause you guys rock and tend to stay on top of things around here(which is awesome by the way, thanks for that!). After 2 days without an attempt I thought that maybe I broke a rule or angered someone, and I don't want to do that. I posted on the other site and they told me that the Latin they spoke was too elementary to assist in what I wanted translated, and the moderater locked the post because of moderation. That is why I had suggested that I maybe break it up into smaller segments. I wish I knew someone who spoke Latin so I didn't have to bother everyone here so much...

So you are thinking that 'procul tempestas orietur' would be better? Do you have any ideas for any of the other lines? I would like to thank you for your help and I appreciate any insight that you can give.

 

[Imprecator]

Many parts are vague and confusing, like "release your life and see it done" & "the lives of two shall meld as one". If you'd explain what each line means (except the obvious ones, of course) you'd make it much easier.

 

[paulmoore]

Imprecator: Absolutely! I will break it down the best that I can line for line...

1. In the distance a storm will gather (Cinefactus already got that one down)
2. Raging over a tumultuous sea (Feel free to substitute the word tumultuous for something else like violent, turbulent, etc. if it makes it easier)
3. A veil of night then cloaks the sky (Just me trying to come up with a really clever and poetic way of saying that it is night time/darkness has fallen)
4. And full moon lends its energy (This symbolizes that the moon has magical properties of its own and the bad guy is going to use the moon's powers to aid his own magical ability for a short duration)
5. It amplifies the might within (I meant this as magical might)
6. Adds its power to my words (In order to cast spells in my book, you have to recite the old language or language of the ancients which of course is the Latin!)
7. Forcing every ear to open (Basically I added this and the 1 line below as 'flavor' but they could also come to mean that the power contained in the old words in undeniable and absolute)
8. Making every silence heard
9. Release your life and see it done (This part is where it gets complicated. The phrase here is meant for the underling who is willingly sacrificing his life force and magical energy so that it can be turned into light ie 'pure energy' and allow it to become bound to the dragon. In order for this to happen the underling must 'release his life' for the transferrance to take place, and only by giving up his life will he "see it done' ie the transformation
10. Bone to bone (This and the next two lower lines are meant as everything about the physical body will now be shared. The bones of the underling shall now be the bones that are in the dragon etc.)
11. Flesh to flesh
12. Blood to blood
14. And the lives of two shall meld as one (After the underling has been changed into light the light permeates into the dragon. Everything that was the underling such as magical power, memories, the life force is now essentially locked into the physical body of the dragon. Imagine the dragon as a blank creature with no personality or anything substantial. It ends up being just a life form and nothing more than basic survival instinct. The ritual will allow emotions, desires, wants, rational thought etc, to manifest in the creature, but it all comes from the underling. If you were able to get inside of my brain you would understand completely, that is of course unless I am crazy lol!

If you need any more information please let me know. I am willing to do whatever it takes to help out to make things as easy as possible. Thanks again!

 

[Imprecator]

Procul fiet procella,
conmixtis desaeuiens undis;
Hespera sinibus aether'inuoluit atris,
et Diana me uiribus suis implet plena,
augetque potestatem uerbis meis magam*;
omnis cogit aperir'auris
et unum quidque silenti'audire.
t'ips'acolyte mactes ut sic moliare:
ossibus sanguinibusque coniunctis,
uit'intermiscebunt duae.

*This combines your lines 5 & 6

"Far away a storm will gather,
raging over the stirred up waves;
dawn envelops the heavens with her dark bosom,
and the full moon fills me with her strength
and amplifies my words' magical power;
it forces every ear to open
and listen to each silence.
Sacrifice yourself, underling, to see this done:
with your bones and blood fused,
your two lives shall mingle as one."

 

[Nikolaos]

The elision and lack of V conflict with all of the other translations we have given him... Here is the same translation adapted to match the others:

Procul fiet procella,
conmixtis desaeviens undis;
Hespera* sinibus aetheri** involuit*** atris,
et Diana me viribus suis implet plena,
augetque potestatem verbis meis magam;
omnis cogit aperire auris
et unum quidque silentiae audire.
te ipsum acolyte mactes ut sic moliare:
ossibus sanguinibusque coniunctis,
vitae intermiscebunt duae.

*I can't find hespera in any dictionary.. do you mean hesperia?
**I really have no idea what this one is supposed to expand to, but the only possibilities are aetheri, aetherem and aethera.
***Invelle?!
I'm not sure about how cogere works... but are omnis and auris intended to be read as accusatives?
Just a guess.
I think this should be acolythe.

Well, I have to go now...

 

[Imprecator]

Correcting for a few errors:

Procul fiet procella,
conmixtis desaeviens undis;
Hesperia sinibus aethera involvit atris,
et Diana me viribus suis implet plena,
augetque potestatem verbis meis magam;
omnis cogit aperiri auris
et unum quidque silentium audire.
te ipsum acolyte mactes ut sic moliare:
ossibus sanguinibusque coniunctis,
vitae intermiscebuntur duae.

do you mean hesperia?

Yes

I'm not sure about how cogere works... but are omnis and auris intended to be read as accusatives?

They are accusatives.

I think this should be acolythe.

There's a lot of variants for this word.

 

[Nikolaos]

involvit

Ah, of course!

They are accusatives.

I wasn't insinuating that they were written wrong, I was being sure that I was reading them correctly. Hence the wording if the question, "are [they] intended to be read," &c.

 

[scrabulista]

Paul,

I think your English version is far superior actually...it's more of a poem.

In the Tom Clancy movies they start out speaking Russian or Spanish to give the viewer a feel for the language, then switch to English -- the implication is that the characters are still speaking in the foreign language, it's just that the audience is getting clued in on what is going on.

 

[Imprecator]

I think your English version is far superior actually...it's more of a poem.

An unfair assessment...
with magam->magicae, mine even has a good rhyme scheme (ABBACDEEDC)

 

[paulmoore]

Imprecator: Thank you... thank you... thank you... thank you... thank you! You have no idea what a big help that is for me. I logged on here tonight and I read your translation and I was like oh my goodness that sounds totally awesome!!

Paul,

I think your English version is far superior actually...it's more of a poem.

In the Tom Clancy movies they start out speaking Russian or Spanish to give the viewer a feel for the language, then switch to English -- the implication is that the characters are still speaking in the foreign language, it's just that the audience is getting clued in on what is going on.

Scrabulista: Thank you, your words are most kind to me. I totally agree with starting out the beginning of a conversation/spell/ritual in the original language and then switching back to english for the sake of the reader. I know that would be the easier way but at the same time I still feel that there is a certain power that lies behind the Latin words that just makes it that much more believeable that those particular words are required to allow magic to work. It lends a certain amount of authenticity to the work as a totally credible and perfectly working entity unlike the Latinesque gibberish in Harry Potter. I just want my novel to feel....'real' if that makes any sense.

Once again, thank you EVERYONE for helping me out with this one. I know it was a pretty long request, and I think that this one will probably be the longest thing that I would need to have translated. I am actually finding that I am taking more and more interest in this language, and I just might have to keep adding stuff in the novel so I can keep coming back here to get it translated to immerse myself in it further.