Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart"

[Pacifica]

multum

Rather prorsus or omnino.

silebam/tacebam et nihil dicebam

I think the perfect would be better. By "I kept still" I think Poe means remaining motionless rather than not speaking, otherwise he wouldn't say "and said nothing" right afterwards (that would be pleonastic).

Also maybe nec quicquam would be better than et nihil.

et interea illum iacere non audiebam.

Better: nec interea illum recumbere audivi.

Iacere means to be lying (be in a lying position) rather than to lie down (assume a lying position).

audiens adhuc erectus in lecto sedebat

Better auscultans. I also feel like it would be better placed at the end, maybe.

- 'just as I have done': I guess technically this is referring to the sitting up and listening; so possible to add sedi et?

I think it's best to simply say sicut ego feci.

- 'death watches': suggestions here.

I don't really know what it is, actually, but seeing your translation I guess it's some sort of insect?

- 'I did not move a muscle': translated literally.

If you're looking for something less literal but that would be a more usual phrasing in Latin, you could say nihil motus sum, I think, or digitum non movi.

Off the top of my head, cor fabulam narrans / cor quod fabulam narrat, etc. Not really sure.

Not sure about that. I'd be tempted to say cor index, but I'm not sure it's ok to use index adjectivally with a neuter noun.

 

[AoM]

Presently I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror. It was not a groan of pain or of grief --oh, no! --it was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe. I knew the sound well. Many a night, just at midnight, when all the world slept, it has welled up from my own bosom, deepening, with its dreadful echo, the terrors that distracted me. I say I knew it well. I knew what the old man felt, and pitied him, although I chuckled at heart. I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise, when he had turned in the bed. His fears had been ever since growing upon him.

iam parvum gemitum audivi, et scivi eum esse mortalis gemitum terroris. non fuit gemitus doloris vel maeroris --oh, non! --is fuit summissus atque oppressus sonus qui abundatus reverentia ex imo animo oriatur. bene scivi sonum. multis noctibus, media ipsa nocte, cum omnis orbis terrarum dormiebat, is ex meo sinu exortus est, augens suo terribili repercussu terrores qui me distraxerunt. dico me bene scivisse eum. scivi quid senex sentiret, et miseruit me eius, etsi vero ridebam. scivi eum vigilantem iacuisse ex quo tempore primus ac parvus sonitus, cum se in lecto verterat. quae metuebat iamdudum eum (magis et magis) affecerant.

 

[Pacifica]

scivi eum esse mortalis gemitum terroris.

Mortalis doesn't have that meaning in Latin. You could say maximi or some other appropriate superlative.

I'd drop eum (though it isn't grammatically wrong to have it, but it just seems unnecessary and the sentence more elegant without it, to my taste anyway).

qui abundatus reverentia ex imo animo oriatur.

"When overcharged with awe" refers to the soul, not to the sound.

Abundare is intransitive in this sense.

Oriatur: this should be indicative.

So maybe: qui ex imo animo oritur cum is nimia formidine gravatur.

bene scivi sonum.

Wrong tense and wrong sort of "know".
It would be good to add a demonstrative, too. Illum/eum sonum bene noveram.

terrores qui me distraxerunt.

Distrahebant.

dico me bene scivisse eum.

Same thing as above concerning scivisse.

Also, perhaps this would be more usual: bene, inquam, eum noveram.

scivi quid senex sentiret, et miseruit me eius

Better sciebam... miserebat.

etsi vero ridebam.

I don't think vero really conveys the meaning of "at heart". Maybe intus would.

scivi eum vigilantem iacuisse

Sciebam.

ex quo tempore primus ac parvus sonitus

This doesn't really make sense without a verb.

quae metuebat iamdudum eum (magis et magis) affecerant.

"Fears" = better timores, metus.

Is iamdudum your attempt at rendering "ever since"? It doesn't mean the same.

Affecerant: I don't think it's the right verb to use, either.

Maybe: timores eius ex eo tempore crescere non desierant.

 

[AoM]

Oh, I should have seen that it was going with the soul.

 

[AoM]

He had been trying to fancy them causeless, but could not. He had been saying to himself --"It is nothing but the wind in the chimney --it is only a mouse crossing the floor," or "It is merely a cricket which has made a single chirp." Yes, he had been trying to comfort himself with these suppositions: but he had found all in vain. All in vain; because Death, in approaching him had stalked with his black shadow before him, and enveloped the victim. And it was the mournful influence of the
unperceived shadow that caused him to feel --although he neither saw nor heard --to feel the presence of my head within the room.

eos sine causa arbitrari conatus erat, sed non poterat. sibi dixerat --"id est nihil quam ventus in camino --id est tantum mus transiens solum/pavimentum," vel "id est tantummodo gryllus qui unum stridorem fecit." ita, sese his opinionibus consolari conatus erat: sed frustra omnes invenerat. frustra omnes; quod Mors, in eo accedendo atra ante se umbra
persecuta erat, et involverat victimam. et lamentabilis umbrae vis non perceptae (ef)fecit ut ille sentiret --quamquam nec vidit nec audivit --sentiret mei capitis praesentiam intra cubiculum.

- sine causa: viable?
- ventus: singular vs. plural
- camino: dictionary entry
- 'but he had found all in vain': I was unsure here.
- 'before him': I assumed this was referring to Death.

 

[Pacifica]

eos sine causa arbitrari

I would add esse there; I think it would make it clearer.

id est nihil quam ventus in camino

Nihil aliud quam would be more usual, though I think an ellipsis is possible.

I would either remove id and say nihil est aliud quam... or replace it with hoc.

- ventus: singular vs. plural

It's singular in the original, and I see no reason to make it plural in Latin.

id est tantum mus transiens solum/pavimentum," vel "id est tantummodo gryllus qui unum stridorem fecit."

I would remove the id's here too.

opinionibus

Maybe rather coniecturis.

in eo accedendo

Rather ad eum accedens.

persecuta erat

Rather incesserat. Persecuta erat = "had pursued."

- 'before him': I assumed this was referring to Death.

I first took it to refer to the old man, but now I think you're right.

However, I don't think the literal translation atra ante se umbra is very felicitous. Better to say something like atra praecedente umbra.

lamentabilis umbrae vis non perceptae

When I read this, I tend to take lamentabilis to go with umbrae. Better to change the order to lamentabilis vis umbrae non perceptae, to make it less ambiguous.

(ef)fecit

Better the imperfect.

quamquam nec vidit nec audivit

Here too, imperfect.

 

[AoM]

An interesting note I found in Bradley's Arnold:

"Similarly, since the Latin Pluperfect cannot express 'I had been doing,' the Romans used the Imperfect (a continuous tense of past time) with the adverbs iampridem, etc."

The other adverbs they give are iamdiu and iamdudum.

 

[AoM]

When I had waited a long time, very patiently, without hearing him lie down, I resolved to open a little --a very, very little crevice in the lantern.
So I opened it --you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily --until, at length a single dim ray, like the thread of the spider, shot from out the crevice and fell full upon the vulture eye.

ubi diu exspectaveram, patientissime, (me) non audiente eum recumbere, constitui aperire parvam, --quam parvissimam rimam in lucerna. sic eam aperui --(tu) credere non potes quam furtim, furtim (ego) --donec tandem unus radius hebes/caecus, similis staminis araneae, emicaret e rima et in oculum vulturis plenus incideret.

- hebes/caecus: unsure about 'dim'.
- similis staminis araneae: at first I was thinking of using a qualis.
- emicaret...incideret: at first I had the indicative, but switched.

 

[Pacifica]

ubi diu exspectaveram

This isn't wrong, wrong, but ubi + pluperfect is relatively unusual. Cum diu exspectavissem would be more common.

(me) non audiente eum recumbere

This doesn't work; an ablative absolute can't refer to the subject of the sentence. If you're to use a participle, it must agree in the nominative with the subject, which here would give non audiens. But nec audissem* illum recumbere would be more natural, I think.

*This is assuming you change ubi to cum as suggested above. If you don't, then audieram.

sic

Rather itaque.

(tu) credere non potes quam furtim, furtim (ego)

It seems better without tu and ego (especially the latter, which would be rather weird).

Maybe concipere for "imagine"?

- hebes/caecus: unsure about 'dim'.

I think I would take the former.

emicaret
incideret.

Maybe better emicavit... incidit.

plenus

"Full" here doesn't mean that the ray was full, but it's used as an adverb and "full upon the vulture eye" = "right upon the vulture eye".

vulturis

You've been using this from the beginning but in fact I wonder if it wouldn't be better to use the adjective vulturinus.

 

[AoM]

I included the ego after furtim because it seems characteristic to signal an aposiopesis.

I can see using the adjective for 'vulture's' as an alternative.
--
It was open --wide, wide open --and I grew furious as I gazed upon it. I saw it with perfect distinctness --all a dull blue, with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones; but I could see nothing else of the old man's face or person: for I had directed the ray as if by instinct, precisely upon the damned spot.

is erat apertus -- late, late apertus --et furiosus factus sum (/fiebam?) dum eum intueor. videbam tota eum claritate --omnem hebetem et caeruleum, foeda opertum nube quae in ossibus ipsas meis medullas refrigerabat; sed poteram videre nihil aliud senis vultus vel corporis: nam radium (di)rexeram, quasi natura, subtiliter in loco scelerato.

- tota: gets the sense, but not sure.
- omnem hebetem et caeruleum: 'all dull and blue'; a little unsure; I don't like using hebetem again.
- nube: not literal.
- subtiliter: literal; I guess ipso is also an option here.

Tenses.

 

[Pacifica]

I included the ego after furtim because it seems characteristic to signal an aposiopesis.

I've learned a new word today. But there doesn't seem to be any aposiopesis in the original. "You cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily" is a sort of elliptical sentence, but not a a sentence broken midway as would be "you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily I..."

 

[Pacifica]

factus sum (/fiebam?)

Both seem possible to me here. The nuance would be different, of course, but neither would sound wrong, I think.

videbam tota eum claritate

Maybe clarissime would be more idiomatic.

omnem hebetem et caeruleum

Maybe totum instead of omnem.

in ossibus ipsas meis medullas

A more usual prose word order: ipsas in ossibus meis medullas.

refrigerabat

Too weak and not generally used in that figurative sense. Better (con)gelabat.

subtiliter in loco scelerato.
- subtiliter: literal; I guess ipso is also an option here.

Better to use ipse. But you need the accusative here, since there's an "onto" movement.

I'm not sure sceleratus can really be used that way. However, I have no idea how you could render "damned".

 

[AoM]

And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over acuteness of the senses? --now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too. It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage.

nonne tibi narravi id quod pro insania habeas esse nihil nisi nimis aciem sensuum? --nunc, inquam, venit ad aures talis summissus, hebes, celeris sonus quale horologium bysso/gossypio involutum. bene illum sonum quoque novi. is pulsus cordis senis fuit. auxit mihi furorem, sicut pulsus tympani in virtutem militem stimulavit.

- nihil nisi nimis: I couldn't pass up the alliteration.
- talis...qualis: reading the section on correlatives in Bradley's Arnold makes me wonder whether this is correct (vs. tantus...quantus).
- horologium: any need for a qualifier (e.g., parvum)?
- bysso/gossypio: both seem rare, but I guess either works?
- mihi: possible here ('it increased fury for me')?
- stimulavit: perfect works here, right?

 

[Pacifica]

nonne tibi narravi id quod pro insania habeas esse nihil nisi nimis aciem sensuum?

Dixi rather than narravi.

Nimiam, not nimis (nimis isn't an adjective).

celeris sonus

Celer.

quale horologium

This means "such as (is) a clock/watch", but the original says "such as makes a watch", so qualem facit/edit horologium.

- talis...qualis: reading the section on correlatives in Bradley's Arnold makes me wonder whether this is correct (vs. tantus...quantus).

Tantus... quantus means "so great... as", not what you need here.

- horologium: any need for a qualifier (e.g., parvum)?

I don't know.

- bysso/gossypio: both seem rare, but I guess either works?

Gossypion seems to mean the plant rather than the material. On the other hand, the meaning of byssus seems doubtful: http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus:text:1999.04.0059:entry=byssus
So I don't know.

bene illum sonum quoque novi.

Novi means "I know". You need noveram. Also, a better word order: illum quoque sonum bene noveram.

is pulsus cordis senis fuit.

Erat. Maybe I would remove is.

- mihi: possible here ('it increased fury for me')?

Yes, absolutely.

- stimulavit: perfect works here, right?

No, you need the present tense (Poe says "stimulates", not "stimulated").

 

[AoM]

This means "such as (is) a clock/watch", but the original says "such as makes a watch", so qualem facit/edit horologium.

Oh I completely missed the 'makes'.

No, you need the present tense (Poe says "stimulates", not "stimulated").

I was thinking like a gnomic perfect. I think I want to overuse it lol.

 

[AoM]

But even yet I refrained and kept still. I scarcely breathed. I held the lantern motionless. I tried how steadily I could maintain the ray upon the eye. Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased. It grew quicker and quicker, and louder and louder every instant. The old man's terror must have been extreme! It grew louder, I say, louder every moment! --do you mark me well? I have told you that I am nervous: so I am. And now at the dead hour of the night, amid the dreadful silence of that old house, so strange a noise as this excited me to uncontrollable terror. Yet, for some minutes longer I refrained and stood still.

at nihilominus animo temperavi et (immotus) mansi. vix spirabam. tenebam lucernam immotam (/sine motu stans). temptabam quam constanter in oculo radium continere possem. interim cordis nota inferna auxit. fiebat celerior celeriorque, et omnibus clarior clariorque temporis punctis. terror senis sine dubio extremus erat! fiebat clarior, inquam, omnibus clarior temporis momentis! --tune me sanum notas? tibi dixi me esse trepidum: sic sum. et iam decima hora noctis, terribilem inter silentiam illius veteris/antiquae domus, tam ignotus sonitus (quam hic) me ad terrorem effrenatum excitavit. at, aliquot temporis momenta longius animo temperabam et stabam.

Godmy and I were chatting yesterday about some of the translation and imperfect vs. perfect. Some of the translations are his suggestions.

- at nihilominus animo temperavi: suggested by Godmy.
- (immotus): Godmy just had mansi for 'keep still'; I wasn't sure about the adjective.
- immotam (/sine motu stans): Godmy took 'motionless' with the narrator; I took it with the lantern.
- temptabam: I guess this can introduce an indirect question?
- nota: any better options for 'tattoo'?
- 'It grew...': I took this as referring to the 'tattoo' (unfortunate that the distinction matters because of cor's gender).
- 'must have been...': I wasn't sure how to render this so I just put in sine dubio and then 'was'.
- notas: viable? Its English meaning is 'judge, consider', etc. L&S do have 'observe' as one of the meanings.
- 'the dead hour of the night': apparently this is 3-4am; is the tenth hour correct? I was also thinking of mortuorum.
- temperabam et stabam: I used the imperfect because aliquot is indefinite.

 

[Pacifica]

(immotus) mansi

Better to include immotus, I think.

tenebam lucernam immotam (/sine motu stans).

Rather the first option.

interim cordis nota inferna auxit.

"Tattoo" here means a drumming sound, not a tattoo as in an ink design on the skin. I'm not sure there's any exact word for it, but maybe use sonus, pulsus, or if you can find some concise explanative phrase.

The verb should rather be imperfect.

tune me sanum notas?

The emphasis of tune is really not wanted here. It means "do you (you, in particular)..."

Me sanum notas doesn't really make sense to me. "Do you mark me well" means something like "do you listen to me well/pay attention to me" or something like that, no?

tibi dixi me esse trepidum

I think the right emphasis would be better conveyed with dixi in first position.

et iam

I think nunc would be better in this context. Perhaps also autem instead of et. Nunc autem...

terribilem inter silentiam

Silentia, silentiae isn't a word; it's silentium, silentii.

ignotus

"Strange" here means "weird", not "unknown". So mirus.

(quam hic)

This should definitely not be included. Unidiomatic.

at, aliquot temporis momenta longius animo temperabam et stabam.

Tamen would be better than at.
The verbs would be better in the perfect.

- temptabam: I guess this can introduce an indirect question?

Yes.

- 'It grew...': I took this as referring to the 'tattoo' (unfortunate that the distinction matters because of cor's gender).

Yes, obviously the tattoo grew, not the old man's heart.

- 'the dead hour of the night': apparently this is 3-4am; is the tenth hour correct? I was also thinking of mortuorum.

Mortuorum? Have you seen that anywhere? Nocte intempesta is an idiomatic way to put it.

 

[AoM]

"Tattoo" here means a drumming sound, not a tattoo as in an ink design on the skin. I'm not sure there's any exact word for it, but maybe use sonus, pulsus, or if you can find some concise explanative phrase.

Oh, didn't know that meaning lol.

Me sanum notas doesn't really make sense to me. "Do you mark me well" means something like "do you listen to me well/pay attention to me" or something like that, no?

I left out esse, and then since L&S had observe, I assume it could introduce an indirect statement.

Silentia, silentiae isn't a word; it's silentium, silentii.

That's what I get for not checking...

The verbs would be better in the perfect.

Well, dammit.

Mortuorum? Have you seen that anywhere? Nocte intempesta is an idiomatic way to put it.

I had heard the English phrase before, but didn't know the meaning. I assume that's what Poe is referring to, but I'm not sure.

 

[Pacifica]

I left out esse, and then since L&S had observe, I assume it could introduce an indirect statement.

Well, notasne me sanum could mean "do you observe that I'm sane", but I don't see how that corresponds to the English.

 

[AoM]

Well, notasne me sanum could mean "do you observe that I'm sane", but I don't see how that corresponds to the English.

I guess the 'mark' connection was too hard to pass up, even if it doesn't make sense lol.