Vesper Nativitatis erat, totasque per aedes
..Bestia non movit, ne culicella quidem.
Nunc tibiales in focibus cum munere pendunt;
..Venturi gratia spes Nicholatis adest.
Convenientes in lectis pueri atque puellae
..Dulcia per somnes pruna salire vident.
Obvulto mater capite, probus Ego galeo,
..Hibernis longis somnibus incipimus.
Ut emendatio valentior citiorque sit, nunc Anglice loquor; peto omnes simile (si fas) loqui:
I was playing around with this over the weekend--spirit of the season and all--and though putting Moore's poem into elegiacs was appropriate. Besides throwing it out to the group for criticism, there are a few specific questions:
..Bestia non movit, ne culicella quidem.
Nunc tibiales in focibus cum munere pendunt;
..Venturi gratia spes Nicholatis adest.
Convenientes in lectis pueri atque puellae
..Dulcia per somnes pruna salire vident.
Obvulto mater capite, probus Ego galeo,
..Hibernis longis somnibus incipimus.
Ut emendatio valentior citiorque sit, nunc Anglice loquor; peto omnes simile (si fas) loqui:
I was playing around with this over the weekend--spirit of the season and all--and though putting Moore's poem into elegiacs was appropriate. Besides throwing it out to the group for criticism, there are a few specific questions:
- Nativitas is listed as having the first i long. I have taken a liberty in making it short (otherwise I could never use it, which would be difficult in a Xmas poem ). I'm justifying this as part of a general language trend (e.g. the word has morphed into Spanish as Navidad, where the i is dropped altogether, making it a likely candidate to be shortened). Do you agree/disagree, or have a better idea?
- I am switching tense from the original to present tense beginning in line 3 (Nunc is a tip-off). Justifiable? Also, what do you make of cum munere?
- What do you make of line 4? OK/not OK?
- I really wanted to use liberi for "children", but I don't find this usage anywhere in Virgil (it doesn't scan right), so am stuck with pueri atque puellae. Any better ideas?
- Does anyone know how to indent lines with this message board SW? I've had to resort to using ".." to get the second line of each couplet to indent...