Desert wind will blow the sand...

[paulmoore]

Hi everyone, I'm back! I am at the point in my book where yet another spell incantation is needed to get me through the scene. First, I will type out the incantation I'd like to use...

Desert wind will blow the sand, the dunes they will deform,
Caterpillar changing into butterfly, so shall you transform.

Now here is some more insight as to the scene. My antogonist in the novel sets a black lizard down onto an altar made out of charred human bones. At each corner of the altar is a candle, and on the altar is a small bowl filled with black sand(the desert where the bad guys resides in is a desert of black sand) After he recites the first part of the first line(wind will blow the sand) he takes a large pinch of the sand using all of his fingers and blows it across the altar onto the lizard. After that he finishes reciting the rest of the incantation, after which the lizard begins it's immediate metamorphasis into a large, black dragon, physically growing larger, sprouting wings, starts growing large claws and teeth, spikes on its tail etc.

Once again, I am very flexible with word choices and sentence structuring. I originally did not mean for my incantation to rhyme, it just ended up working out that way and to me it sounds better, even though I know that once translated the final product will more than likely not rhyme at all. Really interested to see what everyone comes up with. Thanks so much for any help on this, it is greatly appreciated!

 

[Imprecator]

Arenas afflabunt convertentque cumulos deserti uenti,
et modo erucae (papilla fiens) commutaberis

The parenthetical part means "becoming a butterfly". It's optional, as the sentence makes perfect sense without it.

 

[scrabulista]

Paul,

What word did you choose for "black desert?"

Now the scientists call the caterpillar a larva (which in classical Latin apparently means "ghost/spectre/hobgoblin" and they call the adult the imago ("image"), with the intermediate stage being the pupa ("girl/doll").

 

[Imprecator]

Ah, I didn't notice the 'black' part. An atri in-between the last two words in the 1st line would cover that

 

[paulmoore]

scrabulista: I am not sure what you mean by what did I choose for Black Desert. Are you referring back to some time ago when I had the phrase 'Black Desert' translated on this site? If so, I believe what everyone came up with was Avium Atrum. When I handed my prologue out to a couple of friends every one of them asked me what Avium Atrum was. I told them that it was latin for Black Desert, and it was capitalized due to it being a proper noun ie. an actual place. Not that my friends are dumb or anything, but they didn't get it. I decided not to include it to eliminate any confusion.


Imprecator: Thanks for the quick translation! I just have a question. If I were to omit the optional segment and leave it like this...

Arenas afflabunt convertentque cumulos deserti uenti,
et modo erucae commutaberis

How would that retranslate back into English? How would it retranslate back if I were to keep it in? I am almost leaning towards keeping it in due to the fact that the verbal component becomes longer and will take more time. Seeing as how this is a ritual of sorts, I do not think that speaking quickly will gain any benefit. Thanks!

 

[scrabulista]

Yes, your previous request was what I was getting at. I thought it would be better to use the same terminology in this spell as what was in the other spell (or maybe the previous request wasn't a spell).

So instead of deserti here you may want avii.

deserti/avii venti - winds of the desert
afflabunt - will blow
Arenas - sands
convertentque - and deform
cumulos - the mounds
et commutaberis- and you will change
modo erucae - in the manner of a caterpillar
(papilla fiens) - becoming a nipple.

I prefer the venti spelling to uenti, but do what you like.
You might also spell Arenas as Harenas.
Also you might substitute larvae or pupae for erucae.
I'm sure papilio is meant instead of papilla.
You could also put imago instead of papilio.

 

[Matthaeus]

(papilla fiens) - becoming a nipple.

 

[Imprecator]

After a little revision, & w. Bmp's feedback, I've composed a more poetic version:

Illa afflabit arenas ardas assidua aura
et syrtis ruet; erucae mutabere more

(papilla fiens) - becoming a nipple.

Haha, thanks for pointing that out
In my defense, our native word for 'butterfly' sounds a lot more like papilla

 

[paulmoore]

(papilla fiens) - becoming a nipple.

That is too funny. I never thought that a caterpillar would turn into a nipple, but hey I guess it's survival of the fittest! lol. Well that does pose a question for me, seeing as how I do not understand the language. Does the true meaning of the phrase papilla fiens truly mean becoming a nipple? Does the term nipple means something different in the Latin language? Or is papilio a better word to use as scrabulista suggested? Also, can anyone tell me what the second more poetic translation means? Thanks so much!

 

[Nikolaos]

No, you definitely want imago or papilio, and not papilla, which was a mistake.

 

[Imprecator]

Or, you could go with my second version. Which just happens to be a pair of painstakingly hand-crafted hexametres.

 

[Nikolaos]

That, too. Poetic effect is better for this.

 

[Imprecator]

For closure's sake, here's the back-translation:

"The relentless breeze shall blow against the sands
& topple the dunes; you'll change in the manner of a caterpillar"

 

[paulmoore]

Imprecator, thank you for the second translation. I truly appreciate your willingness to go above and beyond to aid me in these translations, and as such, in recognition of your utmost diligence in this matter, I have decided to use it in lieu of the first translation. Thanks again!

 

[paulmoore]

I am sorry to double post but I am having a slight problem. It is my fault for not specifying more, but how would I break up the first line of the translation? Here is why. The bad guy will say this first, "Desert wind will blow the sand". At that point, he takes the sand from the bowl and blows it over the altar and onto the lizard. After that action is completed, it is followed by the rest of the first line and then the second line. Seeing as how I have my spell incantations centered and italicized to seperate them from the normal text the format will look like this...

A few seconds had passed and Tyranus seemed to stand up straighter. He reached into the bowl with all five of his fingers and drew up a very large pinch of sand and then began to speak slowly but clearly, and every word he said was pronounced with the utmost precision.

"Desert wind will blow the sand,"

Tyranus then opened up his hand and with a large breath, blew the sand across the altar and it sprinkled onto the lizard who, despite the tension in the air, remained completely calm and still.

"The dunes they will deform.
Caterpillar changing into butterfly, so shall you transform."

Imprecator, hopefully this will not wreak havoc on your hexametres. Just for comparison's sake, would I be able to see both of the translations split in this manner? I am very sorry for my oversight. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

 

[Nikolaos]

Imprecator moved the dune part to the second line - "et syrtis ruet". The other one would actually be harder to split than this one, since "desert winds" was put at the end of the first line.

 

[paulmoore]

Ahh, I see. I feel kinda dumb for asking, and even dumber for not seeing that he had arranged it in that manner. Thanks for helping me out with that!