Local news

Etaoin Shrdlu

Civis Illustris
Because people living in the back of beyond have newspapers too.

It doesn't have to be from your neck of the woods. Just something local, and in some way special. (Florida is usually good for this sort of thing. A few years back a local council banned Satan from the district.)

Today let us contemplate the good burghers of Stokeinteignhead and their latest sex scandal: salacious underwear (belonging to a grandmother!) is being hung on a washing line in full view of the innocent eyes of schoolchildren. If you tolerate this, etc.


Terry S.

Staff member
Somebody needs to find a hobby.

I can understand that there are some things that children shouldn't know about and therefore shouldn't see, but knickers are not among them.

"What's that frilly thing mum?"
"A pair of knickers, son."
"Oh, right. What's for dinner when we get home, mum?"

"What's that blow up doll in that guy's garden for, dad."
"Ehhh... so his dog doesn't get lonely in the house alone when he's out at work."
"Is it? That's not what Uncle Frank said when I asked him!"

Iohannes Aurum

Technicus Auxiliarius
One Russian man was imprisoned for playing Pokémon Go in a church in Yekaterinburg.

In Toronto, an actor made a video about playing Pokémon Go and in it, he was walking on the subway tracks in a local subway station; he was fined by the transit agency there, but his fans paid the fines on his behalf.


Active Member
Faulty glue on envelopes is causing Austria to postpone a presidential runoff election. The election was supposed to be held at the beginning of October--a rerunning of a runoff election from May, which the courts declared invalid due to irregularities.

The faulty glue was discovered after a woman wanted to post a mail-in ballot but saw that her signed and sealed envelope had opened itself before she went to the post office. She called the Interior Ministry, who told her something along the lines of 'you've lost your vote and you're only recourse is to contest the election afterwards.' Well her local paper ran the story, more cases emerged, and it's now blown up into "Gluegate". New election laws are being passed to use different envelopes, federal forensic investigators are looking into why the glue is failing, the word sabotage has been mentioned, and politicians are embarrassed.

The one consolation for the Austrians is that the envelope glue was made in Germany. :rolleyes:

Etaoin Shrdlu

Civis Illustris
Mothballs are, conventionally, made of naphthalene or dichlorobenzene, and are designed to kill moths. Standard crap joke: 'Have you ever smelt mothballs?' 'Yes.' 'How do you get their little legs open?'

Etaoin Shrdlu

Civis Illustris
How much time would it take to paint something like that? I can't see how nobody noticed it being done on several different occasions. Also, need for access, etc.


Staff member
On the news they said it was done in one night.


Cívis Illústris
This is the most impressive local headline I've seen, but we have also been warned by the same newspaper of a ninja, Batman and escaped big cats in the surrounding countryside.

Iohannes Aurum

Technicus Auxiliarius
This is the most impressive local headline I've seen, but we have also been warned by the same newspaper of a ninja, Batman and escaped big cats in the surrounding countryside.
View attachment 3694
Apparently, they were somehow imported from Manhattan.


Staff member
I have my doubts whether the North Devon Journal's version of events is ever to be trusted if they're tasteless enough, when running successive articles about the discovery of severed feet in a local park, to stoop to punning on both occasions...

"Police have been left stumped by the discovery of a second severed human foot within 100 yards of each other over five months – because they are both left feet."

"The gruesome case of three mystery 'human' feet, all found within a few hundred yards of each other, has continued to stump police inspectors - who now believe there could be more."



Etaoin Shrdlu

Civis Illustris
I don't think that's deliberate, or if it is, they're all at it. If you google that story and 'stumped', you'll find it used in different reports by different authors, either punningly or unfortunately, depending on whether it was intentional or not.